Guys save me, I swear I'm dying!

I don't even have a clue how I'm going to be on a trip across the country with my grandma. She complains about everything, and looks disgusted everytime my grandpa touches her. He loves her so much and she treats him like crap. It's always been like that. I've had to sit  here through their war about their kids and I've only been here for a couple of hours. I miss life being simple and uncomplicated. I just want to have fun. Honestly, right now, I just want to curl up on a couch with a blanket, a cup of coffee, and Donnie. I would be so happy. I'm so happy that I get to see him this summer. It's going to make everything worth it. Sometimes I get scared but you know what? Screw it! I love him and I'm tired of always being scared about everyone hurting me. I trust him with everything in me <3 I wish he would come save me. ): Life sucks at the moment.

Love is Love <3 And you're the only one.

I’m a really cleany mood :/

I think I shall go clean something or another O: I just feel like cleaning right now :/ My parents and I made a deal last night that I get $8/hour on the chores I do everynight. It takes me an hour to just do the dishes every night so I shall be rich soon :D Talk to y’all later! <3 Love you guys!

 

Love is Love <3

On the phone with Donnie <3

On the phone with Donnie right now and I’m just really happy right now. <3 My Aunt Laura is over and I got all my girl stuff taken care of woo hoo thank God for waxing! lol <3 I love my family (: Last night I went to the Ink Meets Metal and that was awesome :D I got my ears pierced again, right above the old ones. It didn’t even hurt that bad. But it’s sore right now. >:( Grrrr… Still talking to Donnie :D Yay haha…. i’m so weird. I need to like get over being happy cuz I like him lol I’m soooo weird D: Grrrr….. ):< Well I’m gonna go talk to Donnie and chill with the family…. O: Love y’all

 

 

Love is Love <3

Life is so…. unsatisfying right now

I don’t know why things are like this right now but I all of a sudden don’t feel good enough for anyone and like I should have tried harder to fix things. i know that I hurt everyone, I don’t mean to! It just happens. I’ve recently been called a player and I don’t even understand how that fits in with me. When I look at my self in the mirror I see a nice, sweet girl who gets hurt a lot and has had to fight her own battles a lot of her life. I guess that others see a piece of crap girl that likes to walk on and use others. That’s not who I am at all though! I try to be the best that i can, i do everything possible to help others, and all of a sudden if I stand up for  myself and am finally happy then I’m nothing but a bad person! Well, screw you! I’m done trying to be the best. Either you accept me for who I am or leave me the Hell alone!! I have my quirks and I’m weird as hell but I’m nice, loving, funny, and I don’t care if I’m ugly anymore because I’m happy not being the prettiest girl in the world. I’m done spending a whole hour every morning on picking the right outfit that others will think I look good in and making sure that my hair and make-up are perfect. I don’t even like make-up! I hate it! It makes me feel like no one wants to see my actual face and that I have to hide it for them  by putting on inches of crap that makes me break out and look like a hooker! I used to worry if every single guy in the room didn’t look at me and think I was pretty and then i used to freak when I messed up on something and wasn’t perfect. I was really shallow. But everyone liked me like that.  I’ve dated more people than i can even count and they meant nothing to me. I lost all the ones who I did actually care about and now i have Donnie. And i don’t even have him. I love him, and he’s truly the only person I’ve ever actually loved. He’s everything that I've ever wanted in a person and he’s the best guy in the entire world. Of he knew what I was really like then he would leave in a heartbeat. I know it. I haven’t been like that in a long time, but sometimes people look at your past and they see only the bad. They don’t witness how much you’ve changed and they don’t understand how different you are now. They just see what you used to do and what you used to be like and that’s the end of it. Donnie told me that my past didn’t matter to him… I really hope he’s telling the truth because if I ever end up being good enough for him and he ever actually wants me then he’s going to have to understand that I'm different now. Tyler was with me through everything I have ever been through. He’s the best friend I have ever had in the whole world and that boy has my heart (other than Donnie). Thank you so much Tyler for helping me through everything I’ve been through. For always being the shoulder I cry on, and for being the most awesome best friend ever. <3

Happy, Stupid, Poem

The sun is shining again
showing from behind the clouds
my pain and loser feelings
are nothing but ammunition.
I threw them out, I saw a light
it pulled me through
it warmed me up
it made me laugh
it told me it loved me.
I love you too. <3

No title

Holding my breath I reach for you.
This Hell that I reach across to touch,
       The Heaven I yearn for,
              The salvation I cry for.
I walk barefoot over broken glass
        my head held high and my pain runs deep.
Your healing touch, your embracing warmth
         I covet thee.
I witness demons as they grab at me
         I fall hard.
              I hear the crack.
                   I feel the knife.
                        I scream aloud.
Free me from my cell of thought,
         Save me from their burning grasps.
                   Rip me from their desperation
as it sucks against my skin.
I seek revenge.
    It's my right.
You're the only who can save me from this eternal night.

I cringe to the shadows,
       they are my home.
The pain you'll give me,
        Is all I know.
I lean on you,
         but you're free to go.
Be happy, be free,
         I can be alone.

Okay

Okay so I'm going to go ahead and post two more poems that I wrote last night. And I'll post them separately! Check them out! ^

Me and Donnie :D Loservile Saga

Me:

I should live in Loserville,

with my crooked smile.

My broken heart,

My disadvantage.

My confused expression.

My legs wobble when I walk and my feet step all over each other.

My hands are clumsy.

My thoughts are reckless.

Yeah, I belong in Loserville,

where I will fit right in.

But then I'll look around and feel un-special,

because I have no crown in a Loser's town. 

Him:

I walk into Loserville only to find,

the girl with crooked smile.

I'll put my hands on her cheeks to move them into the shape of a smile.

Her heart broken expecting to pick up the pieces,

rather I give you mine.

With every disadvantage there's that one reason to fight for.

I'll spin you in circles only to make you laugh.

You almost fall and you step on your feet, i will catch you.

I grab a hold of your hands and you stop shaking. 

I met this girl in Loserville,

She belongs with me.

I guess the only crown she'll ever have is in my world. 

Me:

I met this guy in Loserville.

He made my smile genuine.

He gave me his whole heart and I hold it very dear.

He gave me the world, span me in circles, 

caught me with his charm and made me fall in love. 

I met this guy in Loserville.

He's my everything. <3

And more <33