I don’t know why things are like this right now but I all of a sudden don’t feel good enough for anyone and like I should have tried harder to fix things. i know that I hurt everyone, I don’t mean to! It just happens. I’ve recently been called a player and I don’t even understand how that fits in with me. When I look at my self in the mirror I see a nice, sweet girl who gets hurt a lot and has had to fight her own battles a lot of her life. I guess that others see a piece of crap girl that likes to walk on and use others. That’s not who I am at all though! I try to be the best that i can, i do everything possible to help others, and all of a sudden if I stand up for myself and am finally happy then I’m nothing but a bad person! Well, screw you! I’m done trying to be the best. Either you accept me for who I am or leave me the Hell alone!! I have my quirks and I’m weird as hell but I’m nice, loving, funny, and I don’t care if I’m ugly anymore because I’m happy not being the prettiest girl in the world. I’m done spending a whole hour every morning on picking the right outfit that others will think I look good in and making sure that my hair and make-up are perfect. I don’t even like make-up! I hate it! It makes me feel like no one wants to see my actual face and that I have to hide it for them by putting on inches of crap that makes me break out and look like a hooker! I used to worry if every single guy in the room didn’t look at me and think I was pretty and then i used to freak when I messed up on something and wasn’t perfect. I was really shallow. But everyone liked me like that. I’ve dated more people than i can even count and they meant nothing to me. I lost all the ones who I did actually care about and now i have Donnie. And i don’t even have him. I love him, and he’s truly the only person I’ve ever actually loved. He’s everything that I've ever wanted in a person and he’s the best guy in the entire world. Of he knew what I was really like then he would leave in a heartbeat. I know it. I haven’t been like that in a long time, but sometimes people look at your past and they see only the bad. They don’t witness how much you’ve changed and they don’t understand how different you are now. They just see what you used to do and what you used to be like and that’s the end of it. Donnie told me that my past didn’t matter to him… I really hope he’s telling the truth because if I ever end up being good enough for him and he ever actually wants me then he’s going to have to understand that I'm different now. Tyler was with me through everything I have ever been through. He’s the best friend I have ever had in the whole world and that boy has my heart (other than Donnie). Thank you so much Tyler for helping me through everything I’ve been through. For always being the shoulder I cry on, and for being the most awesome best friend ever. <3
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